Tongue In Check

Did you ever have a feeling that something was about to go horribly wrong? I have had it all day long and I just can’t put my finger on what it is that I am feeling. It seems to be more on a global level than on any sort of personal level. It’s bizarre as hell and really feels like the whole planet is moving in slow motion toward something really bad.

Maybe it’s just the hangover.

My liver hurts.

Update on my sunglasses: I found them. They were hiding under the back seat of my truck.

Update on The Boy: He’s doing well and everything seems normal, including his 16 year old raging hormones. My hormones used to rage. Now they just whine.

Update on the new job: 3 details left to work out. All minor ones. I didn’t work out any details when I took my current job and that has been a huge problem. I plan to work a few things out in advance on this new one. Primarily things like how and when do I get to go home and how soon before my dog can come live with me?

Update on my ability to tell what day it is: Okay, I wrote parts of this last night and I forgot to change the title. But now that it is up, I kind of like the fact that I don’t seem to really know what day it is. Of course I know it’s Wednesday. Of course I do. Yep, I really do know what day it is.

Oh…and this is interesting!!

Enjoy your tax dollars at work. Somebody needs to do something about this insanity.

that there are huge problems in the world like:

America is overextended in the middle east and

Christi Brinkley’s husband is having an affair and

people are burning flags and having abortions and

Israel is locked in a battle to the death with that gigantic humanitarian organization known as Hezbollah and

gas is going to hit 4 bucks a gallon by this fall and

there are people here in America starving to death while we are sending billions and billions of dollars in aid to countries that are trying and way more than willing to kill us and

George Bush is still president and

California is suffering a crippling heat wave and rolling power outages and

forest fires are raging throughout the country and

Iran wants to blow us the fuck up and

our economy is tanking and

over 38 million civilians were killed during WWII and

Angelina Jolie had Brad Pitt’s fucking baby while Jennifer Anniston cried in the waiting room and

global warming is going to kill us all…….

but,

I have lost my prescription sunglasses and that is a real problem because my wife got really pissed at me when I bought them because that meant one less Coach purse for her and

What the fuck am I going to do now????

I don’t give a rat’s ass how hot that psycho bitch Adrianne Curry thinks she is, I think she is a complete and total whack job beeyotch.

Poor Peter Brady, who knew he would grow up to be such an idiot?

I did my best to raise my kids right, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things don’t work out like you hope they would. Jackie, the apple of my black eye, went to a concert this weekend. Not any ordinary concert. She went to a Def Leppard/Journey concert.

Can you imagine my disappointment? Can you imagine the shame of it all?

I hate 80’s hair bands with a passion that knows no bounds. I am willing to forgive the whole Journey thing because they didn’t know any better, but Def Leopard for Christ’s sake? I can’t possibly be her father and Carmen can’t possibly be her dog.

All this reminds me of my favorite joke:

Q: What has 7 arms and sucks?

A: Def Leppard.

If this joke makes no sense to you, then that means you don’t know that Def Leppard’s drummer has only one arm, and that would be a good thing because that would mean you don’t know anything about Def Leppard. How can you be a drummer and have only one arm for Christ’s sake?

Why do they spell their name wrong anyway? Dumb asses.

Tomorrow my friend Jack is going to the see the same concert, which leads me to conclude that I am surrounded by idiots.

Sometimes there is a fine line between “feeling funny” and “being funny.” Right now I feel funny, but not necessarily in a good way, and the last thing I feel like is being funny.

Contrary to a few of my previous posts, the fact that I am “feeling funny” has nothing to do with world events. As a matter of fact, I think that my momentary obsession with world events is merely a way for me to get my mind off all of the things that are going on around me because I have exactly 3 million and 2 things going on in my life right now and not one of them is as simple as I need or want it to be.

I have mentioned on here before that I am unhappy with my current job and have been taking steps to remedy that. I did interview with one company in Utah, but have decided that the Mormon lifestyle is just a little too oppressive for me. Besides, I don’t find Mormon “businessmen” all that trustworthy. I think they bear watching because they seem to think they only need to be accountable to God and can therefore gleefully and regularly fuck their fellow man.

That leaves the Texas company as my primary means of escape from Ohio. The job is good, the offer is good, and the company is good. So, what you might ask could possibly be wrong with that?

Well, Texas is grand, but it ain’t home. Michigan is and will continue to be my home as long as my family is here, and they will be here at least until James finishes high school, which is 2 more years. I would love to live someplace warm like Texas and probably will wind up there eventually, but I will be traveling back and forth between Utah, Texas, and England for almost 2 years. 2 fucking years.

How often will I get back home to Michigan during those 2 years? I don’t have a fucking clue, and that is weighing very heavily on my mind. It’s at times like this when I wish I would have had a career selling shoes at Penny’s. I wouldn’t make nearly as much money, but think of all of those dresses I could be looking up while trying to force a size 6 shoe on a size 10 foot.

As if some divine force felt the need to smack me out of my self-absorbed slide into a nice comfortable state of paralyzing depression, one of my kids got sick this week. What started out as “probably nothing,” quickly turned into “may be something serious.” There is nothing that can knock a parent on his or her ass faster than hearing those 3 words coming from a Dr.

I was immediately struck by the irony of all of this. My son is the picture of healthy living. He eats right, drinks only water and milk, exercises like a mad man, wouldn’t ever think of smoking or drinking, and is generally an all around fine human being. Did I ever tell you that last summer (before he got the stress fracture in his leg), he routinely ran 10 miles a day? On the other hand, his father drinks enough gin to float a battleship, smokes like a fucking chimney, eats whatever is fast, cheap and greasy and if I added up all the running I have done in my almost 52 years on this planet, it wouldn’t add up to 10 miles. If anyone deserves to have something that “may be something serious,” it’s me. Not him.

I heard about this late Monday afternoon and pretty much walked around in a daze for 3 days. I wanted to come back home from Ohio, but what could I do? I certainly couldn’t be the pillar of strength that I needed to be. I was a babbling idiot, which is only different from the norm because I added the word “babbling.” Normally, I am a fairly silent idiot.

We are still not totally out of the woods yet, but so far, all the signs are pointing to something less serious. I can assure you though, those 3 days that we spent waiting for the results of the tests, took at least 10 years off my life. I don’t think I will be getting them back any time soon.

Sometimes it’s amazing how fragile we can be. Sometimes it’s amazing how resilient we can be and sometimes, it’s just simply amazing. I would like to say that I need a drink, or I want a drink, but honestly, I don’t feel like having one right now, and I am pretty sure that falls under the “simply amazing” heading.

I have been really caught up in this whole Israel vs. Lebanon conflict. Conflict? Is that the right word? I have really wanted to write something meaningful about it, but every time I set out to do that, my words become a raving and ranting diatribe against all things Arab. I think my emotions are running too high and my judgment is probably clouded by logic. You know, simple concepts like “return our soldiers and we’ll stop blowing the fuck out of you.”

It has always bothered me that many of the so-called legitimate governments in the Middle East have turned a blind eye to terrorist gangs operating within their country. That’s not an entirely true statement. Sometimes they don’t even turn a blind eye to them. Sometimes they protect them, support them, and defend them all the while gleefully accepting millions and sometimes billions of dollars in aid from America. Hell, sometimes they even “democratically” elect terrorist ass clowns to positions within their government.

These same Middle Eastern governments are always the first to cry “foul” when the shit hits the fan and one of their beloved terrorist gangs gets spanked by someone on the outside that has finally had enough.

I think that over the years Israel has shown remarkable restraint in the face of all the hatred that has been aimed at her from an ever-growing number of terrorist organizations that openly proclaim that they want nothing more than to see Israel removed from the planet. I also think Israel has every right to defend herself and to eliminate threats to her existence with extreme prejudice.

We are fighting these Islamic ass clowns all over the world, and their numbers are growing. It’s only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan here in America. 9/11 was just a warning shot across our bow. I don’t think that we are going to take it well when suicide bombings, beheadings, and all manners of indiscriminate Allah-inspired death comes raining down on us.

I wonder how quickly we will all forget the images of civilian casualties in Lebanon, Iraq, and Afghanistan that have been the source of many debates over the years? We need to minimize civilian casualties, blah blah blah…..

Probably as quickly as we have all forgotten the civilian casualties from 9/11.