Tongue In Check

First of all, I had kind of convinced myself to stop being so political on here. Honestly, it is just not my style. I mean, in general, I would rather think about hot lesbians than politics for the love of Jesus. But lately I have felt those larger voices calling. Things are just overly fucked up here in America and I can’t deal with it much longer.

As some of you know, I tend to scope out those dreadful message boards in some of the more backwards parts of the country just to see how stupid some people can be. Honestly, I must admit that occasionally even I am surprised by the depravity of some folks, and this place is no exception. That place, ladies and gentlemen, is southern WV. In particular, it is McDowell County WV where I grew up. It has always been the absolute heart of poverty stricken Appalachia.

Back when I was a child, this area was about as democratic as it could be. Sometime after the late 60’s it became a staunch republican area largely because of that whole “family values” hype and I have always said that I have to give republicans a lot of credit because somehow, they have been able to convince the people that need the democrats the most, that the democrats are evil.

This is the politics of fear at its finest. Pick those that are the least informed and more fearful and play on those fears and convince them that you will protect them. Of course that might sound like an “elitist” point of view, but, 1.) I grew up there, so I have earned my opinion and B.) I am right, so there is no need to waste anymore time thinking about it.

Barack Obama wrote this kick ass book called Audacity Of Hope and on Page 261 of that book, he says the following:

“Of course, not all my conversations in immigrant communities follow this easy pattern. In the wake of 9/11, my meetings with Arab and Pakistani Americans, for example, have a more urgent quality, for the stories of detentions and FBI questioning and hard stares from neighbors have shaken their sense of security and belonging. They have been reminded that the history of immigration in this country has a dark underbelly; they need specific assurances that their citizenship really means something, that America has learned the right lessons from the Japanese internments during WWII, and that I will stand with them should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.”

Isn’t that just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever read? Isn’t that exactly what our founding fathers had intended when the “idea” of this country was formed? That, my friends, is the essence of America and that quote, if I hadn’t already decided to vote for Barack, would have swayed me in his direction.

So here is where things get all fucked up. That lovely quote up there is being misquoted all over America as follows:

“I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.”

Do you see the difference here?  The actual quote is one of the most beautiful things I have seen in years and represents all that America was supposed to be. The quote as it is being put out here on some of these message boards is a total misrepresentation of the truth and sadly represents what some of America has become. The real problem is that some people, even when presented with the truth, continue with the lie. Oh, and by the way, I am Sundog512 and if you read those threads, you will see that I get pretty radical with some of these people. The fact is, I want to kill them all.  They’re about as detrimental to real America as they can possibly be. Hell, for that matter, they are dangerous to the world. These people are where Nazis come from.

To those of you not from America, this is why we laugh when you say bad things about America. We don’t mind because we know that no matter what you say, we can be much much much worse than you think. Just go to that site and see just how bad America can really be. It’s pathetic.

I realize that in a perfect world, I should not engage these people because they are obviously and hopelessly retarded, but here is the problem with that. In previous years, democrats did not engage republicans when the republicans lied about anything and everything because the democrats chose to take the high road. The high road is cute and always preferable, but sometimes,especially when it comes to republicans, you just need to go out there and stomp some fucking heads.

Now is the time to get serious and remember this: No matter what the republicans tell you about war and how “weak” the democrats were, it was the democrats that lead America during WWII and it was the democrats that lead America to victory. Not to a “negotiated peace” or a “withdrawl” or a peace with honor. The democrats kicked ass and took names and made the world a better place to live in by removing the “bad guys” from the planet, so don’t fall for the  hype and don’t play nice.

Anyway, in the interest of saving America from the lying, fear mongering, dogs of hate, I beg you to copy that correct quote of Obama’s up there and go to that message board (you don’t have to register) that I linked to up there and search for any and all political threads and just say:

The correct quote is:

“Of course, not all my conversations in immigrant communities follow this easy pattern. In the wake of 9/11, my meetings with Arab and Pakistani Americans, for example, have a more urgent quality, for the stories of detentions and FBI questioning and hard stares from neighbors have shaken their sense of security and belonging. They have been reminded that the history of immigration in this country has a dark underbelly; they need specific assurances that their citizenship really means something, that America has learned the right lessons from the Japanese internments during WWII, and that I will stand with them should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.”

Page 261 Audacity of Hope.

The thing is, even if you don’t comment on this blog and even if you don’t plan on voting for Obama, you need to make sure the truth wins out.

In appreciation for your help, I give you the following:

And if by chance you don’t swing that way, then maybe this is more to your liking:

Thank you.

Sometimes I wonder if because I have reached a “certain age” if I might have become a little bit jaded. Maybe I don’t really “see” all of the finer points in life anymore because I am just too preoccupied with my own life to notice everything that goes on around me.

I went to my regular doctor again today. Seems like, for one reason or another, all I do is go to the doctor anymore. There are issues with my blood pressure again and I have to go in and get it tested regularly while they try to adjust the strength of the medicine and try to make sure I am not destroying my remaining kidney with high blood pressure. It was totally under control all summer long and then sometime in August it started going ape shit again and now it is approaching the level it was at before I had my diseased kidney removed.

Still can’t bring myself to say kidney cancer. That sounds so “harsh” doesn’t it? Almost fatal.

Other than a little bit of background, though, none of what you have just read has anything to do with this post other than to say that today I was at the doctor’s office. While I was sitting in the waiting room, I watched an old man using a walker hobble up the sidewalk to the automatic door. He had his daughter with him and it was clear that he didn’t want any help from her. He was seriously determined to do it all by himself. As old men go, he looked like he was probably a character in his younger years. He was wearing a U of M (University of Michigan) hat, a jacket, and a pair of cargo shorts (cargo shorts are not typical old man attire).

His daughter walked him into the office and sat him down across from me and then went back out to move her car. The old man looked at me and nodded his head and I nodded back and smiled. I wish I could describe to you just how pitiful he looked. After a few minutes, his daughter came back and started helping him take off his coat. He lifted his old arm and she pulled the coat down past his arm and then twisted it around behind his head and slid it off the other arm. The old man took off his hat and with shaking hands, smoothed back whatever hair he had remaining. His daughter straightened his collar and then looked at him and said quietly, “Daddy, you need to zip up.”

At that point, I looked over at the old man and his face was just beet red. Even at his advanced age and obviously deteriorating condition, the old man was embarrassed because his pants were unzipped. Boys and girls, I have to tell you that I have been through my own version of self-induced hell here this last year, but nothing I’ve had to face even remotely moved me to tears like that old man’s facial expression after his daughter told him to zip up.

Maybe one’s dignity is the last thing to go.

Did you ever sit down in front of this blank screen and realize that you simply don’t have one God damn thing worth saying? Christ, I have started this post about 3 times already today and every single time I start it I end up either deleting it or coming back later and trying it again and it just ain’t working.

Late last night I had this idea that I thought I could turn into a post. It was about how I am attracted to flawed people. As I lay there in bed trying to fall asleep the whole post was coming together so well in my head that I thought I would get up out of bed and write it down before it lost its momentum. I had, however, worked at my friend’s bar until about 11:00 last night and I was a little tired when I got home so I elected to stay in bed and get some much needed rest.

I got up this morning, had a cup of coffee, turned on the computer and started my post about how I really like flawed people. It started out well with me talking about a childhood friend named George that had a wooden leg (not a prosthetic leg–a wooden leg!!) and that he had supposedly lost his leg to a coal train and I always questioned that because those coal trains moved so slow that he would have pretty much had to have fallen asleep on the tracks to have lost his leg that way.

Me: What’d you do George, fall asleep on the tracks?

George: Nope, wanna see my stump?

Me: Sure, that’d be swell.

Yeah, we actually still said things like “swell” when I was in the first grade. Wanna make something of it? I’ll knock your block off.

We said that too.

But that post was not meant to be because I was going to tie it all together with a novel I had read a while ago and I was even going to include a clip from a movie made from the book, but I just couldn’t make it work no matter what I did. It was beginning to sound like everyone was flawed but me and that was not what I wanted to do. I was supposed to be the flawed one in the post but no matter how hard I worked at it, I was sounding perfect and everyone else sounded flawed and that was not what I was trying to do. Don’t you just fucking hate it when you can’t make something out of nothing?

Obviously, nobody’s perfect, but least of all, me.

Then I was going to do a post about my blog stats and how many posts I had done since I started the blog (629 including this one) and then about half way through that I lost interest because I simply was not in a very blogarcisstic mood so I deleted that post completely.

For the record though, this is the most popular “click” on my blog, and this is the most popular post (5995 views).

Then I was going to do another post where I was going to try to show off some serious writing skills and go all artsy on your asses, but I realized that I was getting myself into a lot of trouble especially if anyone I knew in real life was reading what I was writing so I deleted the living hell out of that post.

So now here we sit with this piss poor excuse for a post, but you must understand that a whole lot of effort went into this post even if it is not readily apparent.

You simply cannot judge a post by its cover. Or in this case, by its apparent utter worthlessness.

Thank you for your participation.

I’m not George Bush……

I just like the way he smells.

 

I’m still in Ohio, but I hope to be heading home tomorrow. I’ll get caught up with all of your blogs then when I get back to my computer that uses Firefox and everything makes sense.

For the record, damn near every single house in this part of Ohio has a McDrain/Palin sign in the front yard. It’s okay though, because somehow,  it all fits together.

…until last night.

So the other day I was sitting around my house minding my own business as I do from time to time when my wife’s phone rang.

Of course it was her phone that rang. No one calls me.

Anyway, my wife’s phone rang and it was my darling daughter, Jackie. You know, the smart one. Well, she used to be the smart one. Now she is the one that is soon going to be on the waiting list for the short bus.

I know that sounds harsh, but after I tell you this story, you’ll agree.

First of all, take a good look at this:

Have you ever seen anything that looked this stupid before? Probably not. Anyway, this “thing” pictured above is central to the reason I am in Ohio. You see, Jackie was sitting around the house on Saturday night doing some kind of cross stitch or stitch and bitch or some other kind of stitching thing where you need a needle. Her cat (the retarded evil one pictured above) decided to start eating a fake plant. See, Izzy (her retarded cat) is not smart enough to eat a real plant. She wants to eat a fake plant.

That’s why she is an idiot.

Jackie, on the other hand, is a different kind of idiot. See, Jackie was sitting on her couch doing some kind of stitch and bitch thing when Izzy the retarded cat started eating the fake plant. Jackie yelled at Izzy the retarded cat and told her to stop, but naturally, being retarded and all, Izzy just kept right on eating the fake plant. In an effort to get Izzy’s attention, Jackie slapped her hand down on the arm of the couch.

This is where things get a little weird.

Before I proceed, however, I would like to show you what a real cat looks like:

This is Dusty, AKA Black Kitty of Death, or BK of D as I prefer to call him. He’s cute, but he’s about as evil as they come. That’s why I love him.

Anyway, let’s get back to Jackie. So she slapped her hand down on the arm of the couch to get her retarded cat’s attention and her hand came down on the back end of a needle that she had sticking in the arm of the couch because, as I told you, she was doing some kind of stitch and bitch thing.  The back end of the needle (where the eye is) went into her hand and broke off and lodged itself right next to some kind of a tendon thingie.

So Monday morning we loaded up Carmen, BK of D, some tools for making a firewood rack thing for Jackie and sped off to Ohio thinking that by the time we got here, she would have already had the little needle eye removed from her hand.

As usual, we were wrong. See, they couldn’t just go in and cut the thing out because that would have been too simple and relatively cheap. They had to slap the label surgery on it and jack the bills sky high.

Oh, and did I tell you she doesn’t have insurance yet? Yeah, it sucks.

Before I proceed, however, how about some cuteness?

That’s Carmen standing guard on Jackie’s patio. She is a serious pain in the ass to travel with these days. She whines and cries the entire time she is in the car. I seriously considered stopping somewhere and having her put to sleep.

No, not really. I wasn’t going to have her put to sleep. I was going to have my wife put to sleep. Except that she knew the way here and I didn’t. When I drive to Ohio, I only know how to go to Columbus.

So let’s get back to Jackie again for a moment, shall we?

Remember what I said about that little bitty teeny needle part that got stuck in her hand? Well, check out the size of the bandage they put on her after they surgically removed a little microscopically small almost non-existent needle thingie part:

Bottom  View

 

Top View

Notice in the second picture above that her other arm has two bandaids on it. That is because Jackie is scared to death of needles (how fucking ironic is that) and she refuses to take the bandaids off from the blood test poke and the IV that they had to put in her during the surgery to remove the stupid needle from he hand.

Bottom line though, is that aside from being the world’s biggest whiny baby, she is doing fine.

Enough about her though. Now let’s talk about animals.

Remember Fred the Carmen wannabe? Here he is in all his glory.

He’s pretty cool, but he’s no Carmen or Black Kitty of Death.

Oh, and Jackie’s boyfriend Andrew has a cat that is pretty cool too. His real name is Gus, but we call him Fur.

So that’s my full report from the state of Ohio, including animals.

After two days here, I now remember why I could never stay sober in Ohio.

And now for something completely different because I always wanted to end a post with the word penis.

Of course by now, many of you know who John McCain is. You would be much better off if you didn’t know who he was, but fate almost never works out the way it should. I guess that is the fate of fate.

Anyway, I digress.

Or am I rambling?

Whatever.

Even though you may know who John McCain is (unfortunately), you probably don’t know that before he went to Vietnam and wrecked 5 jets and set an aircraft carrier on fire, he starred in his own TV show.

Here at TIC our intrepid reporters have uncovered conclusive proof that John McCain was once a Hollywood movie star before he went to Vietnam and became a real hero. In the first photo below, we see John McDrain McCain the politician. Most of us are familiar with this John McCain. Unfortunately.

In the next photo, we see John McCain when he starred as Grandpa Amos McCoy (McCain) in the late 50’s and early 1960’s in the TV show The Real McCoys.

And some things never change. I can almost hear him saying “That One.”

Currently our intrepid reporters are working on a picture story about John (Amos “Grandpa” McCoy) McCain’s lovely wife Cindy, but they aren’t quite done yet. I did get permission to “tease” the story a little bit by offering up the following pictures:

Above we see John’s lovely wife Cindy as she appears while on the campaign trail supporting her fantastic hero jet wrecking air craft burning down first wife dumping because she became crippled husband. As it turns out, she also had her own TV show before she became John McCain’s cunt. Below is undeniable proof of Cindy’s days in Hollywood.

The only way she could be hotter is if she was on fire.

I don’t know why Barack won’t hire me to handle the retaliation campaign against McCain. What’s wrong with that fucking terrorist anyway?