Of Course I Miss Michigan May 6, 2009
Posted by mike in Uncategorized.trackback
After 3 months here in Texas, I think it might be time for a recap…..and a picture of Fred.
As you can plainly see, Fred misses me. Quite honestly, I miss him too. Without him, I am not getting my daily dose of retardation.
Texas is pretty much okay with me. If I have any regrets, it is just that I couldn’t bring my kidney with me. There are some fantastic places to drink down here and my kidney would be impressed. Of course who can blame my kidney for leaving me. I am old and boring.
Speaking of old and boring, here is a recent picture of Black Kitty of Death. As you can plainly see, he misses me too.
Notice anything funny about that picture aside from the look of bewilderment on BK of D’s face? Take a closer look. If your browser allows you to embiggen, please fee free to do so and look closely at the ear area.
Oh, and remember how I was always so proud of how my yard looked after I mowed it with my zero turn radius lawnmower with tits? Let’s review, shall we?
Lovely, no? Please note the lack of crop circles.
Guess who is mowing my lawn now that I am down here in Texas? Let me give you a hint!
That’s right, little Miss Posing Like A Rock Star With The Lights Of Vegas Behind Her is mowing my lawn.
And guess what?
She has her mother’s disease–cropcircleitis!
But other than missing my lawnmower with tits, my Black Kitty of Death, my Fred Bear, The Boy, and my Little Miss Posing Like A Rock Star With The Lights Of Vegas Behind Her, I am doing just fine.
I don’t want to say anything bad about Jackie’s lawn mowing abilities, but Carmie could do a better job.
too bad those are the lights of Chicago, not Vegas!
Well when did they move the lights of Chicago to Vegas? For Christ’s sake, they can do almost anything these days, can’t they? Next thing you know, you’ll tell me you have a law degree or something.
Dont feel bad about leavin yer kidney in Michigan. Tony Bennett once left his heart in San Francisco, I hear.
Jus be happy you aint totly organless.
What is this Fred thing? I was worried until the end (of your post) that Carmen had been transmogrified. (I think) The lawyer looks good though but I think those are the lights of Fargo, North Dakota.
BK of D has horns to fuck with? Yeesh.
And I initially misread your title to say “Of course I’m Miss Michigan”
Joey–Yeah, apparently Tony was a much better man than me.
Catalyst–We call Fred Carmen light. It’s just another case of Jackie having to do everything I do.
I never noticed it until you mentioned it, but I believe those might be the lights of Fargo. Or maybe Bozeman, Montana.
Cissy/Jane Jetson–Yes. Those are his fucking horns.
I always had the hots for Jane Jetson.
BK of D must not be too smart to let you see his horns. Fiero never lets his be seen.
So THAT’S where crop circles come from…!
All cats have horns, they just usually keep them hidden.
DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS! You should not miss your retardation too much, you living in the same state as Dubya
That last shot is PRICELESS! The BKD has gotten really big, bet he gives Fred a run for his money now, huh?
I love seeing the photos! Fred! Carmen! I am way too excited to see your cute faces!
And those aren’t horns. They’re a prop for his halo. Hmph.
P.S. Jackie is BEAUTIFUL. I’m sure getting through her teen years was all joy.
That’s avery big yard! No wonder your kidney got lost.
HT/GT–He’s dumb as a box of rocks, but he loves me and wants to move to Texas. Problem is, he’s been kidnapped by Jackie.
Mrs. C–Yes, my wife invented them many years ago and my daughter is carrying on the family tradition.
Colonel–See my comment to HT/GT. BK of D is dumb.
Malach–Dubya was actually born in the Northeast. Sorry.
Sara Sue–BK makes Fred cry like a girl on a regular basis.
Melissa–Yeah, I love them all too. Oh, and Jackie–she looks JUST like me. Yeah, I’m hot!
Amanda–Yeah, I’m sure my kidney is lost out there somewhere.
Yeah, my yard is suffering from cropcircleitis exacerbated by my teenage as he tries to cut the yard while talking on his cell phone. I would say something but I simply don’t want to cut the yard.
I understand you miss home, but fucking Michigan? I once slept with a girl from Michigan. Nuff said.
I know ALL the great drinking places in this town. I grew up in them.
Molly’s pub if you want suck beer and sniff second hand smoke so thick you can lick the nicotine off your skin.
The Outback Steakhouse makes the best salty dogs. They mash fresh grapefruits right there for the juice. Pure and fresh.
Magaritas has Killer ritas. Ask for their flaming balls or some such shit. Cherry’s soaked in everclear. Tasty little fucks.
Now you gotta go south for the 19th hole, but it is your kind of place. Much like Molly’s but without the class. First bar I ever puked in the restroom while taking a piss. Never broke stride either, hit the bowl clean with both shots.
Out on 1488 we have Baron’s Ice House. New place. No frills, but beer and now a full bar. Any place that has bikini car washes where you drink and watch half nekkid babes wash your car, is good by me.
Anything else you want to know ask.
When the missus goes to boston in a couple of weeks, we need to meet for a drink.
TV
Redroach said: I once slept with a girl from Michigan…
Oh, yea, right… A girl he says…
Have you alerted the media about the crop circles? Things have been very quiet on the crop circle front lately… they might make a stampede down (or is it up?) to see them!
Jackie could charge gate fees.
How come we both have BKs of D? On opposite sides of the world. I have a bad feeling about this…
Beach–Yep, been there a time or two myself. Usually though, all it takes is a crop circle or two and I am back on that mower.
Thomas–Yeah, I have been to a few places. Mostly the Fox and Hound down on Tamina road in that wretched mess that is The Woodlands. I have also gone to Clayton’s down off Green’s road a few times though, but mainly because that is where all of us old “oilfield trash” used to hang out back in “the day.” I haven’t done much here in Conroe, but there’s a new place that has opened up about a block or two from my apartment. I suspect I’ll be trying that out soon too.
Atlas–Yeah, I thought only guys from Ohio slept with “those kinds” of “girls.”
Meggie–Yeah, Jackie could get that whole crop circle media stampede going, couldn’t she?
Anaglyph–This is disturbing news. Perhaps they are planning the old hammer and anvil move on us all!
Mike be careful at the Fox and the Hound. Tamina is a rough place. Some people still do not have electricity or running water on Tamina. Seriously.
19th Hole is off of Rayford/Sawdust
Perhaps your lawn LIKES having a crop circle ‘do’. Ever thought about that?! I hate mowing the lawn – if Jackie hated mowing that expanse of lawn, I’d have every sympathy with her. It’s good to hear that you’re enjoying Texas though. x
That’s a public park not a garden. wow!
Thomas–Yeah, I usually go there with a few old friends from the old days. They sort of know their way around down there. The place that is surprising to me is Clayton’s. Back in the 90’s, that place used to be kind of “upscale.” Now it caters to the free food after 5 crowd….if you know what I mean.
Kitty–You know, I never thought of that. Maybe my lawn was just tired of that old straight cut.
RB–Yeah, and when it comes to mowing it, it feels that way. During the height of the growing season (June and July) I used to have to mow it for twice a week.
Tell me that pitchr o Carmen on th lawnmowr wudnt takn in yer garage, Mike!
No self-rspecktin man woud have a garage that dont contain a dozn paint cans wif a haff-inch o solid paint in each one!
Joey–Those paint cans are in the back room just in front of the beige wall with the red border.
Kay, then. Nice save.
So when does the rest of the zoo move south?
Joey–You’d be proud of my garage. All it is lacking is a stripper pole. I have a Pole stripper, but no stripper pole.
MI–I think we are on our own down here. It’s just me, my wife and Carmen. Jackie’s keeping BK of D and it doesn’t seem as if I can talk the rest of the kids into moving here….
Yet.
Crop circles are cool. Think of them as like tattoos for your yard.
And I love the pictures. Especially BKo’D’s adorable fucking horns.
Phoebe–Yes, they are cool when viewed from space. When viewed from earth, they suck.
Thanks. BK of D is as handsome as he is entertaining.
if you miss Michigan, wear a little bit of home! check out these shirts from a clothing line in Detroit. this shirt is the main one bought from people who have moved away but want to represent where they’re from.
http://www.simplifiedclothingdesign.com/product/simplified-clothing-murder-mitten-2-for-40