Apocalypse Later September 21, 2009
Posted by mike in Uncategorized.trackback
You simply can’t imagine the horror of it all.
I warn you now, this tale is not for the faint of heart. Men should especially turn away now. Go ahead and run back to your internet porn, you Fox News, your endless Glenn Beck fantasies now because this story is scary.
This past Saturday, I was sitting here minding my own business. I wasn’t bothering anyone. It was then that I heard the dreaded words coming from the other side of the apartment.
“Let’s go somewhere,” she bellowed said.
I pretended not to hear her hoping that she wouldn’t have the strength to say it again. Naturally, my plan failed miserably because just a few seconds later she appeared in the kitchen saying again, “I think we should go somewhere.”
“Where would you like to go, ” I asked fearfully.
“Huntsville,” she said.
For those of you who don’t know anything about Huntsville, Texas, let me explain. There’s a big prison in Huntsville, Texas, and generally, where there’s prisons, there’s convicts and convict’s families. It just happens that way. Prison towns are generally not your picturesque showboat of a town. Huntsville was no exception.
But, we went anyway.
Boy, it seems like just a few short years ago, I was getting drunk on Saturdays and chasing strippers with big tits. Or was that big girls with tits?
I don’t know, I was drunk.
Now,thanks to kidney cancer, I am going “antiquing.”
Damn you to hell, cancer.
Anyway, we went to an antique store and I was at the very least, a bit amused by it. There were all kinds of things that I found fascinating and intriguing…..
Oh hell, I am lying through my fucking teeth. It was a store full of old junk that nobody wants anymore. Mountains and mountains of old rusty tools, toys, busted up furniture, crappy dishes, ash trays (?) old scratched up records, and nick fucking nacks of every fucking kind. The whole place smelled like “old.”
The creepiest thing to me was all the old pictures of just ordinary people living their ordinary lives. Some were pictures of of folks getting married. Some were family portraits. Others were just random shots of old couples. Imagine that you live your whole life not bothering anyone and minding your own business and somehow you die and pass on into obscurity and someday someone finds our pictures and says “who the fuck are these old codgers” and your picture winds up in an antique store in a prison town in Texas being looked at by families of ex-cons and former drunks with one kidney. Damn, that’s sad. I hope when I die somebody burns all the pictures of me.
Especially this one.
And this one too:
Anyway, you get the point. There are things you leave behind in a very innocent fashion–maybe forgotten and left behind in a drawer somewhere and you never know where you might end up.
Now that’s a kind of antiquing I could get into!
Formr Polanski Show affiliate, Geritopia, was a big fan o “Othr Fokeses Photos.”
Part I
Part II
Christmas Edition
Invariably creepy.
Son of a bitch, that shit is creepy. Seriously creepy. There were trays full of this stuff and it just creeped me out to no end. I am going to burn all of my pictures when I get back to Michigan.
So, didja buy some antique lingerie?
EEEuw antique lingerie??
I think I will just destroy all our photos in case some get left behind…
Malach–At my age, any lingerie I buy is antique.
Meggie–I agree. I am going to order my daughter to burn all of my photos.
I’ve never been antiquing but I plan on dragging my husband into shopping h#ll when we go to Charleston next month.
You make it sound so FUN Mike!
For the love of all that is good and holy, do NOT ever post a pic like that one of Shamu in the thong again!
I don’t have the money to afford the necessary therapy.
Patti–Okay, well don’t say I didn’t warn you of the dangers of taking your husband antiquing.
nhfalcon–I think posting that picture comes under the heading of cruel and unusual punishment.
Did you finally get your antique dildo?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iLSmTPwJGZY/SR7yUndIggI/AAAAAAAACNE/NsAMwCaoEkc/s320/9.jpg
C.Rag–Apparently, “antique dildo” gets comments sent to spam. Sorry about that.
Some would say I am an antique dildo.
I’m more worried about the box of sex toys than any photos…
Oh well, I’ll be dead so I don’t care!
Its th photos o me AND th sex toys that Im worryd about.
Maybe you should just post all your photos on your blog NOW, that way no-one will want ‘em in years to come eh?
Lynn–That reminds me. Kids, that box of Penthouse magazines you may have found in my bedroom after I left, were you mother’s and not mine.
Joey–If I was you, I’d be more worried about the nested butt plugs.
Amanda–Good idea. Maybe I could post a photo of me with all of HT/GT’s sex toys.
If theyre proprly nestd, theyll end up in th casket instead o th antique shops.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….
and the really funny thing is, I am sure they are “properly nested!”
Yeah. IMPROPR nesting makes me CRANKY.
So nex time I go dark ovr at th JPS, jus figgr its probly a NESTING problem.
More creepy photos from Geritopia.
And evn more.
I realise now, what a trap it is, to let our guard down. My grandmother never wanted to appear in photos. Nor did I… I can see what a wise move this really is…
Phototgraphic is so …true, so cruel… so long fucking lasting.. Forever Ugly!!
Joey–Yeah, those dolls probably don’t go in sideways too well. It would be enough to piss anyone off.
Meggie–Yes, it is. I think Amanda had a great idea. Publish all the good ones. Burn the rest.
I always get so wet when I visit here.
I want to make sure someone clears my computer’s browsing history when I croak. Sometimes, I see shit on there and wonder WTF was I thinking when googling it.
That lady in the blue windsail has gotta be a Texas steer.
Oh, shit. That’s Redroach’s girlfriend. My mistake.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
He might be organizing a cattle drive right now to come and get her back!
C.Rag–I get wet too, but it’s only because I pissed myself again.
Chickie–Oh God, give me something else to worry about! Note to my kids: When I die, burn this computer.
Atlas–Yeah, she’s a Brahman.
Personally, I’m an anti-bra man.
That’s just because your titties ain’t big enough yet. You finish up those hormones and you’ll be fine with a bra.
I’m afraid to take those hormones. I don’t want my tits to end up looking like yours.
Who needs a bra, when you can tuck em in yer britchs?
Now I am going to have nightmares.
Joey–Just belt ‘em in.