Time In A Bottle October 3, 2009
Posted by mike in Uncategorized.trackback
While I am more than willing to admit that I am not fully comfortable with the complicated physics of the following notion, I must admit that while I understand the neatness of measuring time in an “Einsteinian” linear fashion, I am not completely convinced that time itself could ever succumb to such a simplistic notion.
For instance, and bear with me for a moment while I indulge myself, I firmly believe that on some level, I am being born and dying at exactly the same time. This notion is nothing new for me. See, I have always known that I was making love for the first time and the last time at EXACTLY the same time. I have been drunk in Columbus and London at the same instant. I have been out on a limb and over the waterfall at precisely the same moment in time. I have been on the operating table with my internal organs fully exposed and a smooth operator hiding his every intention all while practicing my single “line” for a church play:
“It was indeed; I saw a strange light in the distance.,“ the 11 year old me in the coal fields of West Virginia said while at exactly the same time in a bar in a Holiday Inn in London, England, the 55 year old me said “I’ll have a double Gin with a splash of tonic. ” Oddly enough, the distinctly German bartender who reminds me of my wife’s youngest sister in Michigan said “Yes, and what is your room number?”
Semi-colon’s haunt my dreams!
I was, as a child in a church play, and one of the 3 wise men. Oddly enough, as an adult, I feel strangely disconnected to that child who stood before the church congregation and recited those words in quotation above, yet somehow, I know that we share some almost imperceptible common bond, and being a “wise man” had nothing to do with that bond.
Time is a red-haired, green eyed bitch that only knows the word no! That’s correct, a big fucking NO with an exclamation mark!
!
(Did you ever notice that people who use a lot of exclamation points rarely have anything important to say?)
Digress is what I do best.
I’m sitting in a hotel very near London’s famed (although I can’t for the life of me remember why) Heathrow airport listening to airplanes take off just outside my window and the notion of how they cross time zones with ease convinces me that the actual measurement of time and time itself are two entirely different things. I am in the backseat of a 1964 Chevrolet Impala attempting to make love to a girl for the first time (her name was Nancy I think and I came and went at exactly the same moment in time) and at the same time, I am in a hotel room after drinking 3 double Gin and tonics ( a slight jump from the wagon) thinking that the distance from then until now does not seem like a lifetime.
It was, as they say, only yesterday.
But yesterday, is such a “linear” thing.
The lovely young french woman asks me how I liked my meal. Fine I say and I am instantly transported to Marquette, Michigan and the young lady from Finland who smells of luetfisk and ginger brandy asks “Are you finished?” And at exaclty the same moment that I am in a restaurant in London being served a roasted leg of lamb with garlic and rosemary, I am on the Greenbrier River in southern West Virginia eating and corn on the cob and freshly killed squirrel with the head still attached.
“It’s looking at me,” I say to my cousin who is 3 years older than me.
“Don’t worry,” he giggles, “in no time at all you will be in London eating lamb served to you by a beautiful woman half your age who speaks French and has big tits.”
I kick my 7 year old legs beneath the table and ask him what “tits” are.
“Don’t worry about it, you’re going to live forever,” he says as I take another bite of squirrel.
Fell off th wagon & imbibd a little ginski, huh?
Yer gonna hafta do some penance fer that, Mikeski.
Unlessn it was Mr. Boston …
… self-penancing, I hear …
Oh, Mikey, I hope you feel better in the . . . . afternoon.
THis is very Vonnegut, but your right time as we precieve is only convenient for this planet
Exactly.
I felt a bit like that in my hotel room near heathrow
Hello from tomorrow
Well, as a famous bathroom wall once said: ‘Time is just Nature’s way of stopping everything from happening at once’
Time is an interesting phenomenon – it’s probable that humans alone perceive it as ‘passing’. Mathematically, Time is completely symmetrical and has no direction. Mathematically it exists ‘everywhere at once’ just like space does. The universe, as you suggest, is beginning and ending at exactly the same time (because ‘beginning’ and ‘ending’ mean nothing at all to Time – they are purely human constructs).
Our perception of time is full of illusion – it crawls by when we are young, and accelerates to breakneck speed as we age. We have no direct sensation of it ‘doing’ anything, but we can at any stage ‘look back’ on its effects. We divide it arbitrarily into fragments to suit our needs, yet it has no embodiment of our measurement in itself.
It’s interesting that you posted this right now. We just switched to Daylight Savings Time last night, and as we all woke an hour ‘earlier’ this morning, I was having similar reflections to your own.
But don’t get me started on coincidence…
God dammit. I had just answered each and every one of you iwht the best answers I have ever given any of you and fucking word press ate my fucking comment.
Anyway, let me try again, but these comments won’t be nearly as good as the first ones.
Joey–Yeah, but it doesn’t take much imbibing these days to be over-imbibed.
Catalyst–Thanks, but I felt great when I got up which was probably about the time you were going to bed.
Malach–Thank you.
Meggie–I hope that means you agree.
Rosie–Are you suggesting there might be a time warp there?
Cissy–Thanks, but since I am back in America, I thin kit is technically yesterday. If it is not, it should be.
Anaglyph–I was going to try to do a post about time, relativity, and the ever expanding universe, but I confused myself and I think I sprained a brain cell.
Time is on th side o fokes who make clocks, wristwatchs, & calendars.
You Suck
Joey–Yeah, it’s recession proof job!
Mongo–I know, but I try to do it well.
Sounds like you are making the best of it in the UK … and you have alot of time to think too!
I think this is the most perfect post ever and you should always leave it at the top of your blog so it’s always here when I need it.
I personally think you DID just write a very successful, poetic, goddamn gorgeous post about “time, relativity, and the ever expanding universe”.
Patti–Thanks. And by the end of the week, I did have a little time.
Chickie–Thank you very much. I do appreciate it.
HT/Gt–Thank you too. Gin had its way with me….again!
See, Dr Who would agree with all this as well. As did I.
Wow. I need to save this to Favourites now to read and reread when I need to feel opened to the universe and confused all at the same time…=)
Amanda–Dr Who? HeHe.
Sigh–I just confuse myself when I read it again.
Welcome back to Conroe. This place warps the best of us.
We still need to meet for a beer or gin, I would stay strippers but the only semi strip club in the county got closed by The Man.
TV
Thomas–Yeah, the place (Houston anyway) used to be crawling with strip clubs and now all they have are those places where the strippers can’t get within 5 feet of you. What the hell’s the point of that? Anyway, yeah, email me sometime @mdh1954@gmail.com
Here, this oughta cheer you up.
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/252013/october-08-2009/bend-it-like-beck
Come back to us. Joey and I have been giving each other back massages, but it sure would be easier with a third guy in the game.
Are you telling me that you guys need a pivot man?
We figure your experience with living in Texas makes you an ideal candidate.
“Time is a red-haired, green eyed bitch that only knows the word no! ”
NO MEANS YES & YES MEAN IN THE BUTT!
Aha! I now see why my link has been leading me to the same old 2012 post. You moved!
BTW, you have an award at my blog today!
Where is mike? Did the blog move?
If I post photos of Kathy Lee Gifford’s nipples will you come back out and play?
Hey…thanks for the comments. I’ve just been busier than a two peckered billy goat at a vagina convention.
Life is grand. All is well. Going back to England in a few weeks and next year, if I make it that long, I have to go there once a month for a week.
Fuck me.
Anyway, hope all is well in your world. I’m trying to get back into the blog posting thing. I think it is going to take all of my female readers to send me naked pictures again to get me back in the mood.
Or money in unmarked bills.
Or your panties.
Or chihuahuas.
Or Gin.